a moment in time.

Where have the past three months gone? It seems as though they have flown by, only leaving a small trace of their existence. I feel like Ive been on a roller coaster that I cant slow down, stop, or get off of. Some days life seems incredibly slow and never ending, while other days fly by so quickly. My reality of time is quite different from the one I left behind in the states. Sometimes its as though time is standing still, but days are continuing to turn into weeks that continue to turn into months. I must surely be living in the twilight zone. Errands that would have taken me an hour tops with the luxury of my car take a solid 3-4 here. Waiting for the bus, missing the bus and hitching a ride town from a villager, dodging in and out of shops until Ive found everything I'm looking for, waiting again for the bus, walking 2 miles back to my village from where the bus drops me.. All a typical day if I plan on doing anything in town. Lately Ive found myself feeling paralyzed in my hammock from the heat and my lack of being able to just go out and “get shit done!”

SO.. What have I been doing? Good question. The preschool project is well underway, and each day my outlook on it changes. Right now I feel like I am stuck at the bottom level of this project. It has so much potential, but not all of the major players have stepped up to the work that it will take to make it happen. The parents, community members, village council, and Ministry of Education all have a major role in this- but for the most part, I get the feeling that they see it as “Ms. Elisha’s job.“

There are 20 parents of preschoolers here, but only about 4 that are actually involved. Those 4 have been great in assisting me with setting up fundraisers, which have been really successful. We usually sell food twice a month on a Friday night in the village park, and we also held the 1st annual Easter Fair here. There was an Easter egg hunt, followed by an evening of games, food, music, and prizes. Although it was financially successful, there were still parents arguing about children “cheating” at the egg hunt and the fact that some children found more eggs than their child. I guess crazy obsessed moms really do exist everywhere.

The village chairman may be receiving a grant that will pay for almost all of our building costs. In my few meetings with him about this grant with our mixture of my poor Spanish and his poor English, I have come to the conclusion that he has no idea if he is actually going to receive this grant or not. He has the group in charge of the grant telling him that money is coming, but they keep telling him the same thing week after week with no action actually happening. This has disabled us to have a clear idea of how much money we should be expecting to spend for the building costs, and we don’t want to start buying supplies that could possibly be free if we wait for about another month for the grant to come. I did do some letter writing for donations in early March to businesses around town and we were successful in receiving 2 doors, 4 buckets of paint, and 5 bags of cement!

The education office in town has been of little assistance to me. I plan for meetings and they cancel at the last minute. They are overworked and understaffed- like all government offices here. They did however, make a visit to the village last week and gave us the OK on the building we plan to use. There are 3 women from the village applying for the teacher’s position, and the education office told me they would be having interviews in April. May is here and still no interviews, still no decision on who the preschool teacher will be. Because the ministry works directly with the government, parents are still doubtful of their role in this project and do not necessarily believe they will come through with paying a teacher’s salary. I believe this has been a major reason why less parents are involved. They won’t believe it until they see it.

I had the opportunity to sit down and speak with my project supervisor at Peace Corps in depth about the overall situation last week. It was clear to him that I have taken on too much responsibility on this project, and there is too little of community effort or structure for this project to be successful unless things drastically change. Stepping back and reviewing my actions, I see that Ive had the mentality over the past few months that “If they don’t do it, Ill just do it myself.” Yep. Im still the stubborn Elisha that you’ve all grown to love. I must to step down and back off. Right now I feel like a burnt out social worker- overlooking my own well being in order to assist the client, when the client has not taken initiative to help himself. Doing things here by myself doesn’t solve the problem. It doesn’t teach the people I work with to cultivate leaders within their own community, it doesn’t teach them to believe in themselves, or to work hard for something that they believe in. It does however, teach them sit and watch, expecting the world to change for them because a white girl showed up. I see though, that this is the only way that they know. The country was a product of colonialism for so many generations- Depend and work for the rich, while seeing no change in your own well-being. Mission groups come in, build a water tank or a playground, and leave after a week. People promise them change and they never see that change. People here have not been taught to believe in themselves, have pride in the work they do, and expect to see positive outcomes that happen because of hard work and effort.

My supervisor advised that I start over, from the beginning. I am planning for a large, lengthy meeting that includes all of the team players- the education officer along with manager of preschools, the school’s principal, parents, community members, village council members and chairman, along with my supervisor and me. The plan is to get everything out on the table and start a committee that will take on some responsibilities of this project. I must make it clear that I AM here to assist in any way possible, but this isn’t MY project- its THEIR project. From this meeting, a time line and budget need to be created, along with delegating tasks to the committee members. This is the plan- I am hopeful but concerned. I have to accept that if they choose not to assemble leadership, this project will be put on hold.

I am on a Peace Corps committee that focuses on gender development in Belize. Last year the volunteers created a 4 day all-girls camp that brought 20 girls from all ends of the country together to focus on self esteem, self expression, and self reliance. The camp was created with the intention that the volunteers and the girls that they brought to camp return home and start a GLOW [ Girls Leading Our World] club at their school, with the PC volunteers as their club ‘leaders.’ The camp was a huge success, and we have began our planning for this year’s camp. I have taken on the role as co-coordinator of the camp, and am really excited to be involved with this secondary project. The camp is bigger this year, with 30 girls. Each volunteer on the committee gets to bring three girls from their site. The girls must apply by writing two essays about their intentions of going to camp what it means to them to be a leader in their community. Afterwards, I will have the teachers read the essays and choose the best three. After camp, a GLOW club will be started here in the village. The club will be open to girls between the ages of 10-14 and we will focus on everything- community service, leadership, goal setting, puberty, HIV/AIDS awareness, expressive arts, you name it. We will have club meetings each week and focus on whatever it is that the girls are interested in. This may mean playing soccer one week, making beaded necklaces the next, to having a session on sex ed the following week. Im excited for a number of reasons, but one in particular is that this will be the school’s first club! I hope that this will be something that each girl looks forward to weekly. Its funny- the girls love Hannah Montana here- They wear backpacks with her face plastered on them and listen to her CDs, knowing the songs word for word. It reminds me of my obsession with the Spice Girls.

Samson has been sick for about the past 2 weeks. He’s had 8 shots and will show signs of energy one day, and the next day back to nothing. Three of my neighbor’s dogs died last week with all of the same symptoms that Sam has- runny nose, cough, weakness, loss of appetite, loose stool. The vet thinks that its distemper, which I vaccinated him for. He is a fighter- still eating a fair amount, but I know that he is in a lot of pain. I have really become close with him in this short 6-month time that Ive had him. I don’t always like the work that comes with having a dog- but he’s worth it, every bit of it. He has been a significant learning tool for me- Ive never been an animal person and didn’t really understand the whole concept of companionship with animals. Now playing Frisbee with him and having him and our daily walks around the village has been something I look forward to. Please keep him in your thoughts and send positive energy his way. Only time will tell how this virus will run its course with him.

So, that’s about all going on here. People ask me regularly something along the lines of, “So you having a great time down there or what?” My answer is never black or white- never yes or no. Life is life wherever you go- I am often disappointed and feel like I am not making any progress, but encouragement comes when I least expect it- at the dinner table with neighbors, after a successful library day with the preschool children and their parents, or with a phone call from grandma. Ups, downs, laughing, crying, confidence, fear- I'm experiencing it all- only now with coconut trees and hammocks in the scenery.